Parents and Children: A Two-Way Street
Shlomo Carlebach
But I want you to know something. Do you know what that means? When I tell you my Neshamale is the most beautiful girl in the world, for me, you know what that means? That means G-d has revealed something to me about my child which nobody knows. And if I say I love my child like I love every other child in the world, I’m cutting myself off from G-d’s prophecy, right? And, uh, you know, I’m sure you feel the same way. You know, sometimes, when I ask someone about their children, they say, “Yeah, they’re okay, they’re sweet, yeah.” What’s going on there?
Did I tell you? — I think I told Yitzchak [Muller] or one of you — one of my first experiences in the world. At that time I was crazy. I loved this one girl very much. So, it didn’t work out. At that time I was in yeshiva. It’s crazy, you know? At that time I was a little big shot in yeshiva, and some of you who know a little bit about what’s going on in yeshivas, so if you’re a good student, then a great rabbi wants you for a son-in-law, right?
So a super-great rabbi comes to Lakewood to talk to me about marrying his daughter. I tell you something — he told me all about his daughter: she’s this, she’s this, you know, like I tell you about Bermuda is beautiful — they have beaches and things. There was not tears in his eyes — he wasn’t crying — it was like it was a business thing. He told me since I want to be a great rabbi, and she was fitting to be a good rebbetsin, you know? He gave me the whole thing. Left me cold like ice cream.
I want you to know, the next night I decided to visit the father of the girl I love so much. He was a little yiddele, a Polish yiddele, and he had a grocery store in Bensonhurst. What are you selling in a grocery store? You know, a little herring, a little corn flakes, a little leftover challah from last Shabbos, you know?
Okay, I walk in there; it was already maybe 10:30 because I was coming from Lakewood, and it was very late. All right, I took a chance. I know he’s in the store till eleven o’clock. I walk in there; there were some customers. I’m standing there, so after all the customers left, he said to me, “Okay, what do you want?” So I tell him, “I’m a friend of your daughter.” Obviously, she must have told him about me.
Do you know what happened? This little grocery store yiddele — suddenly he had tears in his eyes. And he says, “My Tovele, my Tovele — ” gevalt, right? So forgetting about the whole thing, I said to myself, if I would look for a father-in-law, I’d take him, right?
But now I want you to know something deeper. Not only that G-d reveals to parents something about their children, but it’s going back also. It’s a two-way street. G-d reveals to children something about their parents which no one else knows, right? Do you know children — until they’re disappointed — until their parents, chas v’shalom, disappoint them — think their parents are the most special people in the world, right? Do you know what’s the most heartbreaking day in the world for children? When they find out that it wasn’t true.
And you know, I’m one of those special blessed people that I had the privilege to believe until this very second how special my father was, you know? So special. Why? Because it was a two-way street. Because my father, you know? My relationship to my father was so special. So special. Unbelievable.
From the series, Reb Shlomo at Congregation Beth Ami, 4676 Mayette Avenue, Santa Rosa, CA 95405 . Sunday, November 30, 1980 (22 Kislev, 5741), Parashat Miketz. (Two days before Chanukah, the week of Parashat Miketz.)
Recorded and transcribed by Reuven Goldfarb.
Transcription dedicated to the complete refuah of Yitzchak ben Leah — Jerry Strauss, Shlomo’s great friend and supporter — who organized the concert and learning at which these teachings were given over.
Copyright held by the estate of Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach.
